Movie Review: "Star Wars: The Clone Wars"

Yup, last night I went to see the latest from George Lucas in the Star Wars saga. Conclusion? A piece of my heart died. That's how saddened I am by Lucasfilm's antics at this point.

Let's review: George Lucas's original masterpiece movie trilogies: Star Wars, and Indiana Jones.
For both, the original trilogies were just downright awesome. Don't get me wrong, they're all far from perfect movies - many of the films are riddled with bloopers. Heck, it isn't till you watch Star Wars with a seasoned perspective that you realize just how crap the acting is. BUT for all 6 of these films, the story-lines, stunts, and special effects are friggin' brilliant. Star Wars set the benchmark for state-of-the-art special effects back in its day, which is amusing when you find that some of the Death Star scenes are just cherry bombs exploding on a mock-up surface as the camera drives by in a pick-up truck. However, I'm starting to ramble.

My point is, these 6 timeless movies are awesome. I haven't met anybody that doesn't like at least one of these films. So why, oh why, has Lucasfilms Ltd. systematically produced garbage to be tacked on to the legacy of these original classics? Indy 4? Sucked. Had standard Indy acting, action and stunts, but the story left a bad taste in my mouth. Star Wars: Episodes 1, 2, & 3? Depressing. Apart from snazzier effects and fight scenes (I must admit, Yoda rocks. Period.), the story was sadly lacking.

And then we come to Star Wars: The Clone Wars. To be perfectly honest, most Star Wars fans I talked to just looked at me like I was a traitor when I mentioned that I was going to see it. The reactions I got amounted to sad shaking of heads. I could see why, considering the trend of George Lucas franchises. But, see it, I did. And it didn't... disappoint. But oh, how it did.

The movie's good points don't add up to much: a few funny one-liners and amusing situations are about it. I'll admit that some of the visuals were nice, at least. As for the rest of it?

Story-line = Crap. Predictable. Childish (It's painfully obvious that this one is geared more for kids.)

Dialogue = Who are you kidding? One-liners are literally being delivered by ROBOTS.

Acting/Characters = Even though it's voice-acting, which in some aspects, must be easier, it's still garbage. Only 3 of the original voices are obtained - Anthony Daniels (C3PO - who has about 3 lines); Samuel L. Jackson (Mace Windu - who has... 5 lines); and Christopher Lee (Count Dooku - who actually has dialogue at least...). The rest? Probably the developers for all I know - each "unheard of" name on the list did at least 2 characters, from what I glimpsed in the end credits. Oh yeah, and the "acting" side of the voices? Still crap. As for the characters? There's a baby Hutt (remember Jabba from Return of the Jedi?) and a Hutt that speaks English and sounds like a woman. (And it's supposed to be Jabba's UNCLE). Need I say more?

Special Effects = Well, seeing as the entire movie is CGI, you'd expect some kind of pizazz. Apart from some nice backdrops and the like, the "special effects" just weren't jaw-dropping in the way you come to expect from these movies (anyone who remembers watching Return of the Jedi can probably agree).

Fight Scenes = One image springs to mind when I try to summarize the lightsaber battles in this movie - strobe light. In fact, pretty much all of the character movements seem to be jerky and unnatural. The shoot-outs featuring clone-troopers are nice, but not enough to earn much more than this footnote. Oh and by the way, see that picture up there of Yoda with a lightsaber? The picture lies. Yoda doesn't draw his weapon at ANY point of this movie.

On the whole, this movie doesn't do anything for the Star Wars series, except drag the name into the mud. I weep for the Lucasfilm legacy. Right now, their record stands at 6:5 for Classic:Flop ratio. It doesn't bode well for future releases.